Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
