somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
