so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
