I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I faked an abortion last night.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
