So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
