Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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