so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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