Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she smelled like a LAN party
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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