I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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