Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
