I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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