I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
