you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
