so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
