Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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