I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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