just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
