i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
