And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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