well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
