You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
