I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
that is very illegal...i love you.
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