wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
