i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
