I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
