I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
