He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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