Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
