she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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