It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
