Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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