don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
