i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
