I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
