i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
