@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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