Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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