MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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