i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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