the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize