Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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