i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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