she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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