Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
