he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Too much gin, very little bucket
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
