i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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