I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
