Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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