Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
