I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have already put on my inside pants.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
