Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
