you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
