There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
