when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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