i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize