Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
