While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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