Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
