if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
God, I missed his penis.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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