guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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