if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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