So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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