I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
