TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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