chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Randomize
