You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize