ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
