i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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