Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
