Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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