why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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