Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
